Dear {$name}
The Greek philosopher Heraclitus said 'Nothing is permanent, except change'. Don’t we know it. Let's face it, life is challenging sometimes. We all have events in our life which challenge us. I know I certainty do.
I would like to share a model I been exposed to in my corporate role, and in a great book (that I recommend) by Stephen R Covey ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’. Have you heard of it? It is called the ‘circle of concern, influence and control’
Recently I used this model to support me. I like the idea of understanding theory, to then move to practice and then mastery. This may be a great model to support you in your day-to-day challenges.
Here is a summary of this model – which is usually represented as 3 circles:
A simple example. Do you or anyone in your family play a team sport. Below are examples of each area.
Here is my biggest connection or learning recently. Have you heard of the Serenity Prayer?
‘God (universe your intuition), grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference’.
Part of an eight-week mindfulness-based stress reduction course I attended; we spent one week focusing on getting comfortable with discomfort and exploring accepting the things we cannot change.
Acceptance involves taking in the facts of situation without trying to deny, change or dissociate from them. Acceptance does not mean approval. You can accept a situation without liking it. This has been termed the acceptance paradox. When we understand that things don't have to be pleasant or wanted to be ok. I am sure you can think of numerous examples in your life where you did not want an event to happen.
When unwanted events occur, they can cause us pain. Suffering gets added to that pain when we don't accept the event. Suffering usually relates to wanting things to be different than they are. Buddha is known for sharing ‘pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.’
Paradoxically, all change begins with acceptance of reality. Herein lies our power. Facing facts with acceptance opens us up to new possibilities. Acknowledging a painful truth is not easy. Especially if we’re used to denying or controlling our feelings and our circumstances. Or like me, my go-to is to numb the pain with avoidance.
‘If we accept pain, there is just pain. If we pretend there’s no pain, ultimately, we add suffering to your pain.’
Change requires courage. The second line of the Serenity Prayer asks for courage to change what we can. When we accept the situation, we stop fighting against what’s happening in order to change it. The only thing you can change is you.
‘Of course, there is no formula for success except, perhaps, an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings.’ Arthur Rubinstein
What does acceptance look like in action?
It may be taking in the situation, not trying to fix anything, adopting a curious mindset, compassionate self-talk, and changing your actions/attitude/behaviour to make the best out of the situation.
I know this is a challenge – where if your life right now could you accept the situation and remove suffering.
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