Why do we do what we do?
- dorodea
- Oct 29, 2021
- 6 min read
There is me in the above photo! I recently attended Tony Robbins 4 day "Unleash the Power Within" event. I am now reviewing my notes and reflecting back on what he taught me. Very early into day one, Tony took us through his 6 HUMAN NEEDS. He told us, these needs explain why we do what we do. "No matter who you are in the world, or what you do, there's a common force that's driving and shaping all our emotions and actions. It determines the quality of our lives, and ultimately, our destinies." I am sharing Tony's 6 Human needs and as you read this blog, I welcome you to discover which of these needs are dominant for you and drive your behaviours? I am also exploring them to understand why I do what I do. I can then make some real lasting changes in my life. Once I know what my patterns are, I want to eliminate the behaviours that are not supporting me and choose the patterns that are. According to Tony, these needs are built into our nervous system. Subconsciously we are all trying to fulfil these needs. Not our basic needs like food shelter and water but instead the 6 emotional needs. We may not be aware of the reason, we do what we do, but there is always a reason.
WHAT ARE THE 6 HUMAN NEEDS?
The 6 human needs can be further broken down into: 4 primal/personality needs and 2 spiritual needs. A couple of distinctions Tony made, he said these needs are not goals or desires. Around the world every culture has different goals and desires but we all have the same needs. The difference is we don’t value them equally. We each may have 2 needs that we value the most. "These top 2 determine your direction in life. Your direction leads to your destiny". Then within those needs, people have different beliefs on what it takes to fulfil the need. It would be interesting to note what does your brain say needs to happen to fulfil this need?
1. CERTAINTY
Certainty is a survival need. We need to have a level of control, comfort, avoid pain and to create pleasure. People who value certainty want to feel in control so changing things will upset them. Here are some examples of being certain - you can get this need either positively or negatively.
Positive
Exercise, Pray to God, Working Hard, Doing a ritual same way every time.
Negative
Over eating, Smoke, Having problems, Getting angry, Controlling people
2. UNCERTAINTY
There is a need for variety or surprise. If your need is uncertainty you are always wanting change and it makes life interesting, challenging and unpredictable. Examples of ways we get uncertainty.
Positive
Learning, Surprise parties, Taking on a new goal or challenge, competitive sport.
Negative
Smoke, Alcohol, , Gamble
3. SIGNIFICANCE
The need to feel unique, special and important. People will seek significance through obtaining recognition from others or from themselves. People who have significance as one of their top needs usually have goals they would like to achieve, skills they want to develop all for a sense of accomplishment. Ways you can get significance.
Positive
Taking risks and achieving goals, Distinguishing yourself with a PhD, Tattoos, Earning billions of dollars, Being highly generous
Negative
Tear down others, Violence, Having bigger problems than everybody else, Getting angry
4. LOVE/CONNECTION
It is a human desire to have a deep connection with some-one or something - a person, an ideal, a value, a habit, or a sense of identity. Examples on how we get love and connection..
Positive
Praying to god, Being in nature, intimacy, friendship
Negative
Having a problem, Aggressive interaction
5. GROWTH
Everything in the universe is either growing or dying! "Growth is life". Progress equals happiness! If you value growth you are always striving to learn new skills, increase your knowledge and grow as a person. You also value self-reflection, look to be mindful and review your daily decisions, choices and actions. This is one of the reasons I set up this blog - to grow and share! I see a version of me in the future (the best version of me) and my learning is getting me closer to that version.
6. CONTRIBUTION
"The secret to living is giving!"
Contribution is about adding value to other people's lives, which in turn add's values to yours. The need to step out of ourselves. When something great happens, you want to immediately share that with somebody you love. There is only so much pleasure you can internally feel, you want to share that experience with some-one you love. When you share it becomes more. As Tony explains, "Life is really about creating meaning. And meaning does not come from what you get, it comes from what you give. Ultimately it’s not what you get that will make you happy long term, but rather who you become and what you contribute will".
You can meet your needs Positively or Negatively
What's interesting is that you can meet these needs positivity or negatively . You can move towards pleasure or away from pain. An example Tony worked through was as follows. Imagine you weigh 80kg today. If by tomorrow morning you are able to weigh 65kg you will receive $50 million dollars! Is this goal obtainable? Is it achievable? And is it sustainable? Yes it is obtainable and achievable, you chop off an arm or leg and meet this goal, but it is not sustainable! It works in the short term but not in the long term. Most people meet their needs and it works in the moment but not long term. So we feel good for a short time i.e. a sugar high/smoking/food and then we drop emotionally and then we do it again. I can relate to this re the way I use food. I tend to do this with volume of food and the type of food I eat. This may help me in the moment but it is not helping me long term.
People will give up their goals and dreams or values to meet their needs Tony worked through the following example to explain this point. How many people consider themselves to be an honest person? But if you ask them if they lie? The answer may be, YES. In your mind you know who you are, you value honesty but you lie. The reason being, if you think being honest is going to cost you one of your needs like love or certainty you will go against it. You may call it a white lie but it still a lie! But there are others who never lie because they value certainty of always telling the truth (it is in their rules and beliefs structure) You can meet more than one need at the same time It is possible to meet more than one need at the same time. For example, take your need for certainty and uncertainty- even though they are opposite needs. Have you ever rented a movie that you have previously seen. We do this because we have rented it before so we are certain that it is good and we are hoping it's been so long that we forgot enough so it will give us variety. If you meet at least 3 needs then it becomes an addiction.
"Any activity, action, or emotion that fulfils at least 3 needs at a high level becomes an addiction. There is always a way to fulfil a need; the skill lies in finding a sustainable way to fulfil it, and in a way that gives you more pleasure than pain."
Questions to ask yourself?.......
At the workshop Tony put up the below questions? They are great questions to ask yourself whether or not the current choices and decisions you are making are aligned with how you would like to live your life and if not what should they change to?
Tony summarises it beautifully, "In the end, a fulfilling, successful and happy life is all about reaching the proper balance between each of your human needs. You need a little certainly to provide you with some stability, and you also need a little uncertainty to provide you with that spice of adventure and variety. At the same time you need to feel significant and important to help support your personal identity. However, you also need that connection with other people. Growth is likewise important and so is contribution. In fact, all the Six Human Needs are important. They might not be equally important all of the time, however it is important to reach a balance and find a middle ground that feels good, is good for you, is good for others, and also serves the greater good." Hope you enjoyed learning about the 6 human needs as much as I did, and it made you think about, why you do what you do?...............
Further resourses for review..
Here are a couple of recourses you may like to watch or listen to on the 6 Human needs from Tony himself.
A Ted Talk and a post cast. Please click on the pictures to access the link.
https://www.tonyrobbins.com/podcast/why-we-do-what-we-do/
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