Another chapter from John Maxwell’s book, the 15 invaluable laws of growth that I love is “ Chapter 3 – The law of the Mirror – You must see value in yourself to add value to yourself.
If you would like to read a summary about Chapter 2 – The law of Awareness – You must know yourself to grow yourself check out that blog post.
“Personal development is the belief that you are worth the effort, time and energy to develop yourself”.
John Maxwell believes and I agree, that everyone has the seeds of success within them. All you need to do is “cultivate those seeds, water them, feed them, and they will begin go grow”.
One of the main reasons that people don’t reach their potential and don’t personally grow is due to low-self-esteem. People don’t believe in themselves, they don’t feel they can achieve their dreams. Low self-esteem puts a ceiling on your potential, it is linked to self-doubt and to a feeling that you are not good enough. It can show itself in a variety of negative emotions of sadness, shame, embarrassment, loneliness etc. How difficult is it to consistently take positive action if we feel negative about ourselves. As John Maxwell says, “people are never able to outperform their self-imagine”.
Improving self-esteem is a very personal journey. Having great self-esteem means we are happy within ourselves and we have success in the things that are important to us.
A distinction I would like to make is the difference between self-esteem and confidence. I had an “aha” moment when at a recent training course. I didn’t know anyone else in the room and we had to turn and share to the person next to us as we worked through the topics. At a certain point, we had to share one area would we like to improve on. I had written “confidence”. The gentleman that was my partner for the morning said to me, “I don’t believe you have a problem with confidence at all!”. After reflecting and researching I realised that my problem wasn’t with confidence but with self-esteem! Interesting, I wonder if anyone else can also relate?
Nathaniel Branden says the following in his book “The Psychology of Self-Esteem”: “Self-esteem has two interrelated aspects: it entails a sense of personal efficacy and a sense of personal worth. It is the integrated sum of self-confidence and self-respect. It is the conviction that one is competent to live and worthy of living.”.….
Strong words!
John Maxwell goes on to explain that you should be concerned with what you think of yourself. If you put a small value on yourself then the world won’t raise it for you. To change, you must believe you can.
He gives us 10 steps to build your self-esteem.
1. Guard your self-talk
An interesting statistic. By the time, you’re 17 years old you have heard “no” on average 150,000 times, versus “yes” about 5,000 times! If we want to change our lives, we need to change the way we think of ourselves. This means changing the way we talk to ourselves.
2. Stop comparing yourself to others
Comparing yourself to others doesn’t do you any good. You either feel so inferior to the other person and therefore get discouraged or you perceive yourself to be better than the other person and feel proud. Neither comparison will help you grow.
The only person to compare yourself to, is you. Focus on what you can do today to become better for tomorrow.
3. Move beyond your limiting beliefs
The greatest limitation you can experience in life is what you tell yourself you have. If you put a limit on what you will do, you also put a limit on what you can do. Its not what you are that holds you back; its what you think you’re not. We can become our own worst enemy.
4. Add value to others
Making a difference, even if a small one in the lives of other people will lift your self-esteem. How great do you feel about yourself when you are contributing to some-one else. It’s hard to feel bad about yourself. By you adding value, the other person therefore values you more, a nice circle to be in.
5. Do the right thing, even if it’s the hard thing
Do what’s right, it gives you a greater sense of satisfaction. Being true to yourself builds tremendous self-esteem.
6. Practice a small discipline daily in a specific area of your life
Discipline is a morale builder. Boost it by taking small steps every day in a positive direction.
7. Celebrate small victories
Celebrating encourages you, inspires you to keep going in the right direction.
8. Embrace a positive vision for your life based on what you value
If you have a positive vision for your life and you take action to fulfil that vision then you will truly recognise that your life matters. If you would like any tips on how to write a vision, please see an earlier blog that may inspire you.
9. Practice the one-word strategy
I love this… If you could pick one word to describe yourself, what would it be?
10. Take responsibility for your life
We tend to get in life what we are willing to tolerate. If we don’t have a plan and purpose for our lives, we will become part of someone else’s and help them achieve their purpose instead. I love what Robin Sharma says on this topic, manage your life like you are the CEO of your company called, Human Being Inc.
I hope that does give you areas that you can start to change and build on your self-esteem. Such an important journey to becoming the best version of you.
I truly recommend John Maxwell’s book, you will find a lot of value from it. Don’t forget it is also available on audible as well!
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